Insulting my inner Welshman

I’ll get to the point I want to make in a minute.  Meanwhile…

As a youngster, I thought “Pride comes before a fall!” referred to mishaps that befell big-headed jockeys, steeplejacks and trapeze artistes.  Not that I used the words ‘Mishaps’ or ‘Befell’ back then.

However, it began to make sense the first time l felt proud my hard work had paid off and I achieved some success.  Then “Lady Luck” vanished and I learned that after something positive happens, life can often slap us in the chops – reminding us we’re nobody special.

Perhaps some individuals go from the cradle to the grave bathed in a golden light, never touched by tragedy or disappointment.  I’d say “Good luck!” to them…but obviously they don’t need it!

After many career “Ups” followed by a similar number of “Downs”, I thought it’d make sense to lock my Pride away in the basement. Without Pride, I couldn’t fall, right?

Yes! I’m getting to the point!

When I hear people announce “I’m a proud Welshman” so frequently it becomes monotonous – a certain daytime Radio Wales presenter is particularly guilty of this – I want to say “Look! I’m Welsh, too, and very happy to be.  But do us all a favour and stop throwing the ‘P’ word around willy nilly!”

Willy Nilly isn’t the presenters name by the way.

To the point…

My inner Welshman was insulted recently when, in an episode of the TV series “Holiday Of My Lifetime”Len Goodman took Toyah Wilcox back to somewhere she went on holiday as a child… Llangollen.

So internationally famous, everyone knows how to pronounce it.

Toyah pronounced it correctly.  Everyone they met during the show pronounced it correctly.  But Len insisted on continually mispronouncing it….


And then, during the closing credits, he had the nerve to say…
“I did my best with the Welsh pronunciations!”

Because this was blatantly untrue, I became so outraged, my Pride returned to such an extent I’m applying for a daytime gig on Radio Wales!

There’s a lot of virtue to be found in ‘not fitting in’

Well – I’m glad Easter is over, there is only so much chocolate one can eat.
Safely.  Personally, I didn’t have any Easter eggs, but everywhere I went there were chocolate eggs for sale.

For the record, I’ve picked a few up today at a fraction of the price they were last week.  It was worth the wait.

Don’t judge me on this. We all like a bargain from time to time. We all have our funny ways and if we were all ‘perfect’ or the same, life would be so flipping boring, and I wouldn’t have anything to write about every week.
In fact, you would probably see me sitting in a coffee shop somewhere, staring into my cup. Can you imagine?

We should all embrace and celebrate our differences.  Many of the greatest people in history often didn’t fit in. Yet not fitting in turned out to be a huge asset for them.

They possibly didn’t know this at the time, but by being true to themselves and applying a good work ethic, they stood out and greatness was achieved.

Maybe this is something we could all think about?

Seeing a film can be quite an experience

I’m just about old enough to remember when people didn’t go to ‘The Multiplex to see a movie’, they went to ‘The pictures to see a film’.

In fact, unless the attraction was a three-hour epic, cinemagoers could see two films – the main feature plus a ‘B’ film…and a newsreel.

If some cinemas, affectionately known as fleapits, were in need of refurbishment, audiences didn’t care as long as the film was engrossing.  This was long before the shiny new multiplexes opened and the behaviour of audiences, changed – for the worse.

I don’t think actress Helen Mirren has paid to see a film in a cinema since 1969, because at a recent Warner Brothers event to promote her latest film, she bad-mouthed – using a very discouragin’ word – a certain well-known streaming service, announcing “There’s nothing like the experience of seeing a film in a cinema”.

She’s right. Seeing a film in a cinema today can be quite an experience!

I’ve had to confront rowdy audience members who were spoiling the film for everyone else and a friend of mine’s visit to see the new version of “Dumbo” in a Cardiff cinema with his family was ruined by the antics of several noisy, restless teenagers (for whom the film was totally unsuitable) until an usher ejected them 30 minutes before the film ended.

Ms. Mirren lives in a different world to ours, where she sees films in a studio screening room or at premieres.  So, she’s unlikely to be surrounded by annoying idiots talking, texting or calling their mates on their mobiles.

She won’t be distracted by thoughtless people munching their way through industrial-sized portions of sweets, popcorn and nachos covered in cheese and noisily slurping sugary, fizzy drinks.

The old fleapits were drab and the carpets were sticky, but the only mischief teenagers got up to was snogging in the back row or, if you didn’t have a girlfriend, smoking Woodbines with your mates down the front.

Aha! Now that revived a few memories didn’t it?

See you in the cheap seats….

This was not something that I planned

I have just realised that this will be the 250th page I’ve presented to the local papers and, in addition to this, slightly surprised by the fact that I continue to come up with new ideas and stories on a weekly basis.  This was not something that I planned.

I just happened to be approached and accepted the challenge in my usual enthusiastic way.  Learning on the job is one way of describing the journey so far.

Having said that, it has now become a regular occurrence to be approached by the public while out on my travels, only to be complimented on my weekly newspaper articles. It’s nice to learn that people are gaining some pleasure from my work.

Even my doctor commented recently, which totally threw me as he was carrying out my first ever prostate examination at the time.  My reply was quite high pitched.

Not the conversation I was expecting and not that I have a prostate issue, but I’m at the age where regular check-ups are advisory.

So, if you are reading this, clearly you are checking out my column.  If you are male and of a mature age then make sure you also regularly check out your prostate condition. You can thank me later.

It’s far too early to be talking turkey!

We’re well into spring.  We’ve had some mild, sunny days and the early evenings are lighter for longer.  So, what better time to start seriously thinking about where to go for Christmas lunch?

Actually, I can think of a much better time.  Midnight on December 24th.

However, according to a deluge of unsolicited e-mails I’ve received recently from hotels and restaurants, I should look at their ‘sumptuous’ Christmas menus and consider how many lunch guests to pay a deposit for.

Yikes! It’s not even Easter and they want me to start spending money on Christmas!

But that’s our world today.  We are constantly cajoled, pushed, persuaded…blackmailed even…into spending money on events and ‘special days’ from January to December.

You may remember my article about the naked greed of supermarkets which, from the moment they’ve sold the last garden table, chairs and parasol set on August Bank Holiday Monday, cover all bases in their effort to prise every last coin out of your hands.

Overnight, shelves groan under the weight of Halloween tat.  Posters go up advertising November 5th Fireworks for sale . . . to adults only.  And, as the staff hang tinsel and plastic Santas on the remaining shelf space, the same 25 Christmas songs we hear every year start playing in the background.

And all this happens, not as Johnny Mathis tells us “Because a child is born” but because the owners of supermarkets and the manufacturers and importers, whose goods we buy, want to take our cash from us.  It’s as simple as that.

So, when an ad pops up on my laptop, asking “Have you thought about spending Christmas and New Year with us at the No Sea View Hotel and ‘Spar’ (the shop is open Christmas morning for those last-minute gifts like a packet of cooked ham and a can of WD40”) I shout at the screen in my best

Noddy Holder voice…

“No! Because it’s April. NOT Chriiiisss…mas!”

Get involved now and give patients a tonic

Spring is in the air and Abertawe Bro Morgannwg University Health Board, along with Keep Wales Tidy are hoping to secure £50,000 of National Lottery funding as part of this year’s People’s Projects.  Were you aware of this?

Now, we all know or can imagine how miserable it can be to be stuck inside a hospital ward, so wouldn’t it be great if the team could transform some of the hospital grounds for patients, staff and visitors to sit out in and enjoy?  Part of the healing process even.

If successful, the money would be spent on transforming unloved areas at three hospitals – Morriston and Gorseinon in Swansea and Ysbyty Cwm Rhondda in neighbouring Cwm Taf.

The aim is to create quiet havens that will benefit the health and wellbeing not just of patients but visitors and hardworking staff.

But Keep Wales Tidy is only one of five groups in Wales in the running for the funding and the decision on who will get it rests on a public vote.  Voting closes on Monday, April 15.

I have just cast my vote. Pop along to the website and register your vote now.  Let’s help make a difference today.

Too much of a good thing!

I’m beginning to think it is possible to have ‘too much of a good thing’, when the ‘good thing’ in question is a 51-year old television situation comedy once regarded as a classic, but having been re-created, re-staged and re-imagined so many times since it ended, even its most loyal fans must think “Enough!”

“Dad’s Army” began its nine-year, 80-episode run on BBC One so long ago (July 1968) the first two series were in black and white!  Younger readers, ask your parents . . .

Between that first episode and the final one broadcast in November 1977, a successful feature film spin-off was released in 1971 and in 1975 a stage version was written by the series creators Jimmy Perry and David Croft, featuring the original cast performing songs and comedy routines.

It played to packed audiences in the West End from October 1975 to February 1976 before touring theatres around the UK later that year and the public clamoured to see their comedy heroes in the flesh.

When the TV series finished and the actors and writers moved on to other projects, it wasn’t a case of “At ease men! The war is over. You’ve all been de-mobbed!”  Because “Dad’s Army” continues to march on and on – and I don’t just mean the BBC2 Saturday evening repeats that have been running for decades.

In 2007 and 2009 a whole new bunch of actors appeared in a stage tour based around three old episodes ‘stitched’ together and in 2016 a new “Dad’s Army” film was released (escaped?) which misfired on so many levels that it’s best-forgotten.

And now in 2019, the Gold Channel have re-made three 50-year old ‘lost’ episodes of “Dad’s Army” with a new cast.

If these three shows do well, some bright spark at the BBC might consider re-making all 80 episodes.  To which I would say, in the languid style of John Le Mesurier …”Do you really think that’s wise?”

Put that light out!

The sound of springtime – now where are my earplugs?

Don’t you just love nature and waking up on a sunny Sunday morning to lawnmower and petrol strimmers howling in the background?  Yes, I bet you do.

Having done a late night gig, Sunday morning is the only chance I get to have that extra hour of quality rest to recover from the demands of the weekend – but clearly others among us have their own ideas at this time of year.

Don’t get me wrong, everyone is entitled to a well-kept back yard and a neatly-trimmed bush, but a few of my neighbours have taken this too far and have invested in those high powered, turbo-charged, petrol-driven hedge cutters.

Their enthusiasm for these new gadgets has meant that the whole street wakes up early to find out where the noise is coming from.  I honestly thought that a Formula One racing team had relocated their practice sessions to Ammanford.

But, don’t worry about me, I’ve sorted it and will be ready for next weekend as I’ve invested in a large box of ear plugs.