‘Farmyard weddings’ in a field of their own

In this fast-moving, often baffling world, the minute I accept I’m the only one I know who hasn’t changed with the times, everything changes.

Frequently, I’m baffled by something brand new.  Take weddings . . .

Couples once got married in a church “In the sight of God” or a Registrar’s office in the sight of the Town Hall.  Teenagers, whose parents disapproved of them marrying, would sneak off to Gretna Green.  Trouble was, once both sets of parents realised, they’d all rush to the railway station to prevent the couple from leaving town.

Nine times out of 10, the youngsters were caught because even on a crowded platform it’s not hard to spot a girl in a long white dress holding a bouquet and a boy holding a girl in a long white dress.

In the mid-90s, rules governing where marriages could take place were changed and provided venues obtained the necessary licence, you could get married practically anywhere before six pm.

Personally, I think it’s best to get married as early as possible.  That way, if it doesn’t work out, you’ve got the rest of the day to yourself.

A whole new world of opportunities opened up for hotels as wedding venues, where you could also have a quick sauna and spa treatment before the ceremony.

But in 2019 things are changing yet again.  According to a famous department store that’s “Never knowingly undersold”, the latest trend is for ‘Farmyard weddings’.  I kid you not!

The New Age bride and groom can go barefoot or wear wellies.  The guests sit on bales of hay.  And music is provided by wind chimes.

However, if the ceremony’s carried out in a cow field, no one should give the groom a big pat on the back.

That’s all fine and dandy on sunny days, but what’ll happen should dark clouds appear?

To misquote Jimmy Webb’s “Macarthur Park” . . .

What if someone leaves the wedding cake out in the rain and all the sweet green icing starts running down?

Don’t ask me.  I’m baffled yet again.