Keep a cool head in the heat

When it comes to the weather, the British are never content. When it rains, we want it dry; when it’s cold, we want it hot.

Wherever I went last week, the rising temperature was all that people talked about – and not only because they, like all of us, have run out of new things to say about . . . Brexit.

Brexit has dominated the news for so long that the only people who want to discuss it are the people being paid to discuss it.

It’s got to the situation where, according to rumour, the manufacturers of TV sets have given in to public demand and are adding a new button to remote controls.

Press this new button before a news bulletin, current affairs programme or political interview and the sensor inside the remote will automatically mute the dreaded ‘B’ word for the duration of the show. Brilliant or what?

Mind you, like a lot of new inventions it’s had a few teething troubles and viewers have found that it sometimes mutes every word beginning with ‘B’.

So they can end up watching “Enidorm”, ”Argain Hunt” and “Ig Rother’s It On The Side!”

Back to the weather . . .

It seems we just can’t cope when the weather turns warmer.

You’ve probably heard people saying things like, “I like the hot weather, but this is ridiculous. I wish it would rain!”

These are often the same people happy to fork out hundreds of pounds to fly to countries where it’s scorching hot for most of the year.

And (as they burn to a crisp on their sun-loungers and beach towels) they never once complain, “This is ridiculous. I wish it would rain.”

As it turned out, the heatwave was short-lived and the temperature dropped to what’s normal for a British summer – 10 below zero!

Where’s my hot water bottle?