Mind your language – I’m on the warpath

Look out! Hide behind your sofas and stick a saucepan on your head for protection. Phil’s on the rampage!

I’m fired-up and hotter under the collar than the time I devoured a vindaloo and chilli pepper curry at my local Welsh-Indian restaurant, The Pentre Khyber.

What’s caused this?

As usual, people’s cavalier, lazy use of English.

I can’t be the only person who’s noticed that many journalists, politicians, experts etc., interviewed on the TV and radio news now routinely begin answering a question with the word ‘So….’ before continuing.

For example . . .

Interviewer: “With me in the studio is the CEO of Amalgamated Chocolate Teapots, Abernathy Farquhar. Mister Farquhar, would you explain why sales of chocolate teapots have plummeted by 500% in the last week?”

Farquhar: “So…what’s happened in real terms is…..”

Was the person who started this linguistic lunacy the same one who first replied “Absolutely!” when answering a question affirmatively instead of using the perfectly adequate “Yes”?

Another affectation that gets my goat (tethered on my back lawn to keep the grass short ) is when a person’s response to something I’ve said is the meaningless “O-kay!”.

That suggests they’re magnanimously giving me their approval while at the same time secretly doubting me.

I don’t know where that one started but it’s definitely not “O-kay” with me.

I’m on a roll now…

If a man said “Good afternoon!” to you at breakfast time, you’d think he was a little odd or had won the ‘Rolex’ he was wearing from a ‘grabber’ machine in a Porthcawl amusement arcade . . . 15 years ago.

Last week, I was in my car, listening to BBC Radio Wales and heard someone say, “Welcome to Good Evening Wales!”

Good Evening Wales?! It was four in the afternoon on a crisp, sunny day!

In my book – available for pre-order at £29.99 – evenings start around seven o’ clock.

BBC Radio Wales must spend so much on doughnuts to keep Wynne Evans happy during his new morning show that there’s no cash left to purchase a clock or two.

That’s a ‘clock or two’. A cockatoo would be a terrible waste of licence payer’s money.

Calling the show “Good Evening Wales” is a conceit, because it sounds much more important, more ‘prime time’ than “Good Afternoon Wales”.

It also makes the presenters appear more important and in regional broadcasting, appearing more important than you are, is really important.

So… rant over, do I feel better?

Absolutely!