Specialist’s dreary tone almost sent me to sleep

No lie. This actually happened before I sat down at my steam-punk, bellows-operated, Victorian word-o-puter  (bought on line for just £4.99… plus £300 p & p) to write this article.

Being the highbrow type – I have my highbrows done once a month and my nails manicured at the same time – I was listening to PM on Radio Four on what I assume was a quiet news day.  After a hurried round-up of all the days world events, the programme bizarrely segued into a random segment on sleeplessness.

Is there an extra ‘ness’ on the end of that word? ‘Sleeplessnessness’. Yep, sounds about right.

Calling it an ‘segment’ doesn’t do it justice, because it took up so much of the programme that when it ended I felt like I’d just listened to someone narrating 10 chapters of “War and Peace”. Ve-ry slow-ly. In the original Russian!

A sleep specialist was being interviewed by Evan Davis, a man who is living proof that those so-called and much-mocked conspiracy theorists who believe that aliens have been living amongst us for decades, may not be the loose cannon, fruit loop, nerdy-geeks they appear to be.

After Evan asked each brief question about the length of sleep we need to stay healthy etc, every one of the sleep specialist’s replies went on sooooo long you could have timed them with a calendar.

Not only did his replies ramble relentlessly, he delivered each one in such a dreary sonorous monotone, that after listening to him for five minutes a sudden fatigue came over me…my eyes started getting heavy…and I could easily have dropped off for a lovely little nap.

Not only would this have been embarrassing at five o’clock in the afternoon, I could also have crashed my car. That’s not true. I couldn’t. I was driving a friend’s car and could have crashed that.

The sleep specialist was obviously born to enter his particular profession because I recorded his interview and at bedtime I play it back and I’m asleep within minutes.

But, just between us, Evan Davis is from ‘somewhere up there’ isn’t he?