The things we learned in 2016

It’s been a couple of weeks since 2017 swept in through the front door and took up residence in the back bedroom, so let’s reflect on what I learned during 2016.

David Bowie sadly died in January. Being the ultimate trendsetter, dozens of other celebrities decided to emulate him and left this ‘mortal coil’.

Not to be confused with Myrtle Coyle, who runs our local laundrette and motorcycle repair business!

We lost Prince, the artiste formerly known as breathing.

Donald Trump was elected President of the USA. Sales of nuclear bunkers and weapons skyrocketed in the days afterwards. Even hippies, tree-huggers and conscientious objectors said, “Gimme a gun!”

The UK voted to leave the EU in a controversial referendum. Doom-mongers said fire and brimstone would fall from the sky as a result. Hmm. I think we’d have read about it in the ‘papers if it had.

Pokemon Go was launched, and hundreds of people walked the streets like zombies with their phones in front of their faces. Business as usual, then.

Moments after Andy Murray won Wimbledon and was asked how he felt, he couldn’t contain his exuberance and excitement and replied (quietly mumble), “Yeah, not bad thanks.”

Fidel Castro passed away after being Cuba’s leader for almost 60 years. Close, but no cigar!

Oscar Pistorious was jailed for shooting his girlfriend through a bathroom door. He claimed it was an accident. The worst bathroom-related accident I’ve had involved a broken light switch, my mis-judged aim and a soggy toilet roll.

The millions of people who tuned in to watch the Summer Olympics in Brazil were nuts! I rang the BBC to complain about their endless hours of coverage, but got cut off after five rings.

The new Samsung Note 7 phones were withdrawn from sale because they were prone to catching fire. I only discovered this when I felt a burning sensation in my trousers . . . while watching ‘The Hunger Games: Catching Fire!’

Iain Duncan Smith resigned as Secretary of State for Work and Pensions. He tried to sign on at the Jobcentre, but was sanctioned for six months for leaving his last job of his own accord.

Bob Dylan was the first musician to receive the Nobel Prize for Literature. You see, the times they are a-changing. They sent him a certificate but Bob dropped it, so now it’s blowing in the wind.